We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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