After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I got inside last night via doggy door
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
