WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
