It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I am naked and annoyed.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
These tits shall not be calmed
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
