I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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