Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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