I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
