You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
