So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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