how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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