NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
