you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
