just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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