are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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