I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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