I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
birth control should be required to get into college
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
