Plan B is the new Plan A
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
