I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
