I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
