did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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