i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
