Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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