addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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