if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize