It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
