she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
