Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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