I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
do herpes really smell.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize