the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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