Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
