Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I bet he comes in French.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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