i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
