I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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