my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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