He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
two words...techno handjob
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
