I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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