I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize