I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
