you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think my moral compass just broke
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
