4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
