In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
