I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
its not stalking. its research.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
