ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my shit smells like andre
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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