At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize