I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
