Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
