Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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