She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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