Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
