Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
