It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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