when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
