he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
