Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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