but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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