I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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