If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
