my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
