Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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