Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
