So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
