I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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