Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
