People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
