Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
