So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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