worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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