But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think my fart just growled at me.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
