Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
