Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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