I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
